Spliced! Keep Away Wiki
Two Legs Joe

Two legs joe.png

J. Robert Oppenheimer as a femboy furry cat (0.2% potential) 2-legged Rhinoceros with bird growth and chicken bucket and cola and french fries (5% potential), Vlad the Impaler (20% Potential), Roman God of Love Juno (50% Potential), Cool space figure in Parabola by Tool's cover (85% Potential), Celestial Guardian Angel Seraphim (100% potential)
Stomping, especially those that annoy him and Mr.Wrinkles, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, nazism, pedophilia, atom bombs, Venom, Venom: Let There Be Carnage, purple (the cool kind not the bad kind),Prank Patrol,Diamondbolt,Quandale dingle
Peri (sometimes), Entrée, Mr. Smarty Smarts and the trouble they make that's and the blasted the fried Two-Legs Joe, Centrists, Left-wingers, Right-wingers, Obama, Trump, Skrillex, NFTs, Lord Wingus Ethereum, FTs (fungible tokens), Fuzzy Snuggums being shot in the Great War. Garfield Nonbelievers. Probably you (hopefully not), Skrillex, my dad, kevin from school fuck u kevin stop showing everyone my deviantart u peace a shit, sunshine, rainbows, puppies, ronald raegan, kevin calling it deviantfart :(, kittens, Dave and bambi fan,mag,N from murder drones,speedyskip
Mayor of the mutants, Nazi Engineer, Operation Paperclip victim, Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Jiggle Physics Animator, Soviet Spy, Epstein Island Spy, Professional Hitman, Chicken Nugget Scientist, Marijuana Farmer, Elephant-Human Hybrid Supersoldier Tester, Wormhole Gatekeeper, Alternate "Third Reich" Dimension Engineer, "Balloon Boy Hoax" Director, Punic War Barbarian, Persian Emperor, Pearl Harbor Medic, Nazi Dimensional Bounty Hunter, arbys employee, /pol/tard, Jack the Ripper, Zodiac Killer, Beacon of AWESOMENESS. Freddy's Pizzeria Night Shift Guard (FNAF: Sister Location), Shapeshifting skinwalker, Fire Truck driver, Eldritch forest predator, Local Urban Legend, TMZ Journalist,ceo of sex
Pat McKenna (5% potential) Snoop Dogg (50% potential)
Other Names:
Stinky Head, Joseph (Wingus), Slave (Franklin D. Roosevelt), Master (King Dedede when he reaches his Roman God of Love Juno form), Engineer gaming (Adolf Hitler's genetic clone when Joe works on the portal), Fucken' shittenpoopen deutschebag BÏTCH! (Original Adolf Hitler), Nut Slut (The Consumer of Spacetime), Two-Arms Joe (Pessimist)
First Appearance:
Movie Appears
"I have a dream that one day every copium farming valley shall be engulfed, every seethium mining hill shall be exalted and every maldium picking mountain shall be made low, the rough dilatium harvesting places will be made plains and the sneedium crooked feed and seed will be made straight and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope. Also the Clash of Clans Archer has sweat in her toe gaps after a long sweaty day of giving Kanye West footjobs in the Barracks, and once I wash off all of Kanye's semen and sweat, the Golden NFT will see a different perspective, the pure among us, and will invest enough NFTdollars to prevent the Third Impact from happening! yeah!"


WARNING, The following page contains scenes of graphic stupidity among two lifelong animals who compete to embarrass each other.

Two-legs Joe (full name: Two-Legs Jotaro Kujoe Mama) is the mayor of the mutants' city who, at 5% of his total potential, resembles an armless rhino with a red bird stuck on his back, known as Lord Wingus Eternium, who is his lover. He enjoys stomping anyone who bothers him, like someone who destroys the town. Most of the time he stomps Entree and Peri, as well as Mister Smarty Smarts. He also despises Eternium's twin brother, Lord Wingus Etherium. This is because his NFT scheme. He bought an nft (because his money is infinite) but the monkey did not smile.

With his stomps, he was also able to have some control over the sun, gravity, and time. Just ask him.

It was later believed that Wingus was not actually the growth but actually Joe was the growth. Wingus exiled himself from his bird flock because he did not want to remove and destroy Joe.

His loves to thrust his huge girthy sausage into tight wet ronald mcdonalds.

While Joe is usually quick to anger and is impulsive and is able to talk, Lord Wingus is quiet and thoughtful.

They were once a regular duo of a rhino and a bird, but during World War 2½, aka the Cold War, the CIA captured them due to their odd bonding not seen among wildlife, and injected them with the Ultimate Common Cold, all of the world's vaccines mixed together. They also tried to summon the Antichrist, but it failed, although supernatural consequences have been left. They have the supernatural power to control gravity with stomps, and the power to summon Bats every few seconds, and shit. Two-Legs Joe obtained most of the power, because his uncle said "When Great Power, comes Great Responsibility" or something idk. Lol. Lmao.

his power led him to be a prisoener of war by the german government (because they saw him fight sephiroth in Final Fantasy XII) and his view is bent on nazism. may God help him.

Joe is aware of Fuzzy Snuggums as a former supersoldier, along with Octocat, dreading the day when he would return to his supersoldier mentality and form. (Sgt. Snuggums)

He also dreads a number of cloned Peris and Entrees, saying that it was his worst nightmare. A theory by fans claimed it gives him PTSD for Epstein's skeleton horde when Donald Trump spotted him sneaking in the Black House, an inverted White House in a mirror dimension deep down in Epstein Island as an attempt to find a dimension where the Third Reich remained superior and activate the totems deep beneath the 7 Wonders of the World to fuse said dimension with ours, creating a Nazi Utopia ridden by shadow people. (Clones Don't Care About Nothin' Either)

It could be speculated that when he stomps and say something like "Thunder Cock", the power might have come from Wingus himself.

Joe's shaft, although hidden from sight, is immense in size. This is revealed in the episode Wingus's Biggus Dingus, albeit censored.

In the entire Spliced series, his kill count values to 213, assassinating even Sigmund Freud, Jay-Z, and Abraham Lincoln. Other than people, he has also assassinated what used to be society's concepts, Taured, Thrembo, Glongies and Logsday, ceasing them to exist. He also wiped off the entire Earth's memory about aftermentioned non-person targets, except for Peri and Entree.

In the episode Let Peri be Carnage, Joe is a huge fan of Venom, and kins him. Joe also listens to Eminem but specifically Venom. Joe astral projects to Venom when Wingus is asleep. because he is bent on nazism, and Venom is black, like Hitler's mustache, I guess?

He runs @cookiecanons on Instagram.

Fun fact: He has a lot of facts. See Two-Legs Joe/Facts! for more awesome facts.